Bread, Take Two

How am I going to do this? How am I not going to do this?
Determination. And commitment. The first one is easy, the second one, well let's just say that I'm extremely loyal... to many things, intermittently in practice but eternally in theory. The biggest question that I have for myself is "can I see this one through?". I haven't subscribed to a magazine yet, but I have several books and several more I want to get. I spend hours pouring over The Fresh Loaf and pondering percentages, ratios, gluten strands and lamination, fermentation, temperatures and mineral content. If given the chance, I would consume all of my time with these thoughts.
You would not recall, because I haven't written but one post this year, but there was a time around this time last year when I was unemployed and all I did was bake bread. I was busier than I have ever been setting my whole life around the hours it would take to start my starter, build my levain, ferment my dough and prove my loaves. My best friends were a vintage Kitchenaid mixer and a metric scale. I started to get frantic about needing a proofing box, but I learned that you can have patience and that works a little better. If you have even more patience you can use your fridge. Imagine that.
And there are blogs out there. People write about this stuff. Most of them have day jobs and manage to play with bread in their free time. Me? I don't think I could just do it in my free time. This is not the kind of person I am. I think I'd like to use my free time to make drawings. Wait, no, I think that all of my time is free time if I am making bread and art. I just need to grow some plants and have standing plans for brunch with the ladies.
I miss my friends because my job has eaten my life. Would it not be better if my life was to eat my job? Imagine THAT.
I have gone on greater journeys than this one. Journeys that have led me to entire new countries from which I was not sure if I would return. I have had to change my lifestyle and pare my belongings down to nothing in order to accomplish these goals. I have done it. So I may do it again. I'm going to have to, because I haven't found a way to make bread profitable yet. It is going to require a lifestyle change and a reduction of expenses in order to begin this one. I have done it for others. I can do it for myself too. There is a yard sale in my future.
Am I serious? I've proven that I can do anything I set my mind to. So is my mind set?

Alone with Bread

The weather has turned and now the streets are filled with the noise of dogs and children and sirens. Somehow it is almost colder at night because the heat has made things damp, even though the thermostat says 58. I make bread now. All the time. Pretty much every day of my life. I started making it in earnest in Mexico even though I have had a passion for it since the house on Dousman St. in Riverwest. I was reading the Tassajara Bread Book and learning to knead and make whole wheat then. In Mexico I attempted to make European breads because Mexican pan was so ephemeral and lacked substance. Now I play with rye starters and hydration percentages trying to get the right crumb and a good crust. I had the great fortune of finding a mentor willing to give me a job baking bread all day. It kicks my ass on a regular basis, trying to haul myself into the world of fast paced gourmet production kitchen land. My arms and fingers and legs and back hurt all the time, but I am getting stronger and faster. My goal is speed now and consistency. But I come home to experiment with flavor and texture and methods. Overall I am very happy. Now I am learning to put my life back in around the bread. Trying to figure out how to keep in touch with my friends and family and keep loving my lover... how to enjoy myself and the other things I like to do. I crave sameness these days. I have done so much changing and the changes are still so new that I could lose them at any moment. I pray when I remember to, and I try to be kind and thoughtful, but I sometimes open my mouth when I shouldn't.

I hope to see my new niece soon and to get a good night's sleep.