Tomorrow is my last day at the office. I had to say goodbye to my boss today and was caught off guard by my own emotions. Breaking up is hard to do. There are pens to distribute, files to file, random items to throw away or bequeath to those who remain. There are things I have to communicate, people to say goodbye to. When the layoffs happened there were so many goodbye parties and send offs that seemed so necessary. Going now of my own volition seems to be kind of an insult to those hanging on for dear life. I failed at putting together a happy hour next week. Nobody told me I had to pick a place and time and I butchered the guest list trying to second guess who might actually show. After work Tuesday, at Plymouth rooftop, where it all began...?
It is strange to watch people attempt to cope with loss. I didn't know I would be a loss, but seeing a few people make rationalizations or construct elaborate reasons to dismiss me, I see now that I will be missed. I didn't know that this office would be a loss until my own tears were spilling. I have made friendships here that go beyond the task at hand. I found safety in those relationships and I know now that they only existed because we were bonded by common ground. Other friendships will continue beyond the Santa Fe building.
I spent an hour and a half online with Agent Triple L tonight. We just spent time together. Not much talking, lots of looking at each other trying to imagine what it will be like just to be in the same room. So very strange.
My eyelids are drooping now. I thought I would be up all night, but now I am crashing. C'mon take it easy, baby... make it last all night. She was an American girl...
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